THE THOUGHTS OF HARRY PRATT THE RUMAGING OLD TWAT

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“Morning H how was your weekend?”

“Blindingly successful Ron.”

“Good to hear that H – and how did such success manifest itself?”

“You’ll never guess. I’ll tell you any way. I was at the car boot sale in the car park of the local church, you know, St Agnes the Formidable (patron saint of doctor’s receptionist by the way) when the call of nature beckoned. I therefore made a swift knee dash for the bogs. As I was washing my hands post the main event I took to a bit of rummaging and lo and behold what do I find lurking behind the cistern but a snapshot of Mary Magdalene her very self. Look here you can tell it’s her in an instant what with her being surrounded by all those empty booze bottles – she did love a drink that girl did. Whatever, this Ron is I do believe the only photograph in existence of Mary prior to her getting the all clear from no other than JC.”

“Oh dear H old mate you’re doing it again aren’t you?”

“What’s that Ron?”

“Talking bollocks again that’s what! What you have there is a pic of some tart pissed right up what has been left behind in the church toilets following, no doubt, a bit of a booze-up with her chums – nothing more. I’d go so far as to say she’s probably on the game and one of her punters took this shot.”

“Then I rest my fucking case Ron. Everyone knows said Mary loved nothing more than a quick one behind the camel enclosure thus earning a few quid to support her drinking habit – common knowledge that is matey boy.”

“You’re wrong H – so very wrong.”

“Don’t care what you think anyway. I’m off to Canterbury within the hour to present this to the Archbishop himself. The plaudits and accolades will be mine all mine and that will fucking wipe the smile off your ugly face I can tell you.”

“Fuck me H.”

“Rather not.”

 

4 Comments

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4 responses to “THE THOUGHTS OF HARRY PRATT THE RUMAGING OLD TWAT

  1. Forgive my trespassing, but my business is Messiah apprentice, and I’ll get out when I’m God and ready!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Harry Pratt is my hero.

    Like

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